Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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