loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love having hate sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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