Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
