my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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