sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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