apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
