i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
