im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
