the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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