My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She just used a chaser for red wine.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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