so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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