She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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