Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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