yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
