Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
