I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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