I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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