The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
