dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
