I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I stole a fireplace last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
