they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
