just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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