need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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