my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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