waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
