Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
