K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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