it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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