I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
