I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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