Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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