He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.