the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
false alarm. still invincible.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.