when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????