You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
