i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
