I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
