My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
