I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
