no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
