Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
