I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
