i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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