i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
