dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
