BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
