How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize