Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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