I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
