I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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