Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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