yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
