i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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