oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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