I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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