You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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