Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
