I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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