We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
