kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
