Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
