there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
