Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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