Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Say something about gay babies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
