we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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