I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
