wat bout pragnant strippers??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
