she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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