A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
