nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
