You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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