I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
