My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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