Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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